(A goal of mine was to write at least 2 blog posts a month...seeing that this is my first post since January, that definitely didn't happen. Hopefully that will change after the stationery show - I'm sure I'll have tons to share post-show. Today, I wanted to share not a behind the scenes update on process but thoughts on keeping this boat afloat, since I've now had a bit of time to think about all this - getting ultra vulnerable here, so bear with me. Also, quick update from Jan-Apr: spent most of my time prepping for the show, working on wedding calligraphy, and meeting lots of new creatives in the area.)
Yesterday's sermon was about our relationships with our material wealth and that affects our spiritual lives. Dealing with/handling money was a lot easier when I had a salary and was getting paid the same steady amount every two weeks. We (I say we because the decision to start Euni + Co. was a decision made by myself + Jisu (my better half)) didn't start this dream of mine because we were financially stable - we started this because I felt so strongly that this was something I needed to pursue. I feel like I'm still trying to figure out the exact reason(s) - but I think one has to do with comfort and the other with control.
Little bit of background | I didn't grow up in a wealthy family, so ever since I was young, my goal was to find something to do to be able to support my parents. I managed to finish college by working multiple jobs, and afterwards, went to grad school to study higher education administration (and am now sitting on a mountain of debt (insert smiley face here)). I had a plan. I was going to work work work, pay off loans, go back to school to get my Ph.D., support my parents so they no longer had to work, and make sure everyone was comfortable and stable. Boom - done. But then I met Jisu.... just kidding (kind of, not really - this is another story though, so maybe on our anniversary?).
Before Euni + Co., I was working at a local college as a student advisor/instructor - and I was comfortable. I wasn't making a whole ton of money, but definitely enough to not have to worry about much. My parents were made comfortable by knowing that I was stable. My husband was made comfortable by knowing that we had dual-income. Had good insurance. Finally went to the dentist for the first time in my life. Got to go to Korea for the first time since I immigrated here thanks to a work trip. Had a flexible work schedule. List goes on and on. I don't think I realized how comfortable I was until I started this business. I was stressed out at work all the time, but even the stress was comfortable. Why? Because at the end of the day, I was still getting paid what I was getting paid. That was the affect that money had on me. Even though work often made me feel like I was compromising my morals, I stayed. So God closed doors that I couldn't close on my own and opened a window that I could crawl through.
I'm a control freak. I can admit this (now). I get anxious easily, I like things to be perfect (of course, by my definition of what perfect is), and I have a cleaning problem (but this is getting better. having a husband who likes to throw his socks around the home helps). I planned my entire life out. School - grad school - work - more school - dean. And all by the age of 30. Sell mom and dad's store. Get married around 32. Have kids. Take time off. Go back to work. Obviously, this all fell apart. I got married at 25. I didn't end up going back to school. My parents are still working at their store. And I am a small business owner. Because I had seen my parents own small convenience stores all my life, the last thing I wanted to do was own something. I love having control, but not that kind of control, because let's face it - when you're a business owner, you can't really control anything. Almost everything is out of your control - especially money.
Our pastor ended the sermon with this question. "What are your desires?"
If you look at all our packaging, it has 'Matthew 6:21' on the bottom. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I want to put all of my treasures and valuables in heaven, and not on earth - that's my ultimate desire. Jesus. I wish I could say I've figured out exactly how to do that through owning a small business, but I haven't. And I'm learning that that is OK (for now). I'm not sure what the point of this blog post was, but I wanted to share a bit of the unorganized thoughts that happen behind the scenes. I don't have it together. Some days, I don't know what I'm doing, and I sit there for a long time, wondering if this is right or not. But I know two things - through this business, I'm learning to be comfortable with discomfort and I'm learning that God is in control, always.
So thank you, for following this crazy journey of the unknown - and for supporting our dream with sights set on heaven.